Characters Encountered

This week I offer a series of character sketches based upon folks coming into my station. Now this is not to imply that the majority of people coming in are anything other than regular, normal, everyday people. But today I seemed to encounter a variety of folks that seemed to have strayed off the path of normalcy and stumbled into the deep snows of the ridiculous. These made some of the more blissfully normal and wonderful customers stand out like bright shiny new pennies. *smile*

The first of these and what I remember hoping would not be a trend at the time, I shall call Ms Frizz. Badly and long ago bleached blond comes schlepping in in her pajamas and fuzzy slippers. She aims for the back of the store murmuring the word 'coffee' as if it were a mantra propelling her forward. 'Coffee...coffeee....'she says repeatedly as she makes her Dark Magic/Super-charged French Vanilla/French Toast concoction. She slippers up to the counter inhaling her morning brew. 'I really needed this!' she says with a beatific smile that clashes with last night's smeared mascara.

She then proceeded to launch into a tale of woe and misbegotten happenings that plagued her drunken Saturday night. I really needed to know this. Her pjs have fuzzy sheep on them. Puffs of lambs wool decorated the rams and ewes that scampered across her purple jammies. 'Oh and hey. I needs some reds too. 100's.'

'May I see some ID?' I ask. 'Oh... I don't have it on me.' 'Sorry, no can do then.' What followed then was the most energetic tirade of foul language. Hearing the swearing coming from this bed-headed, hung-over, purple sheepy wearing female was almost enough for hysterical laughter. But no. The manager cannot do that and must remain poised and polite. Score one for the 'future oddball character' list.

Then a few hours later I am visited by a creature from outter space. Far reaches thereof. *Hopes she doesn't insult any alien beings with that comment.* Lime green mohawk, what looks like lug bolts in his earlobes, a tongue ring with some sort of chain on it that clacks and crunches when he talks. A snake tattoo curls up from under he jacket and curls around his neck and ens with the forked tongue encircling his left eye. 'May I please have a pack of Newports and ten bucks worth of gas."
The ID question again. 'Sure here ya go' he says as he flips out his license. He pays, says thank you and is on his way. Nothing like a statement of personal self expression.

Church is letting out and I have a steady stream of stressed up (wait I mean dressed up) people in and out, many of whom seem to be in very cranky moods and inclined to say rude things in unkind tones to their children. I cannot resist offering several of the poor kiddos a free icee. (I'm so mean!)

Then came Mr. and Mrs. Small Town America. Old, impossibly old, both of them walking hand in hand with a cane in each of their other hands. He grabs the coffee cups, she gets the sugar. He pours, she reaches for the creamers. Well rehearsed dance refines over probably the last fifty years. She calls him 'old man' and he calls her 'old lady' and the smiles between them travel wrikled pathways cleqar to sparkling eyes. 'The coffees are on me today!'

Then there's the lady who always locks her keys in her car. This is tiny town, one stop-light, roll up the sidewalks middle America. Most folks here don't even lock their homes let alone their cars. She does. Usually with the keys inside. She's a mighty complainer. The weather's too hot. The weather's too cold...too snowy...too wet...too dry...too something. Today she has her husband with her. He, luckily has his set in his pocket! They quarrel themselves around collecting bread, milk, orange joice, smokes, and a dozen doughnuts. He throws a twenty on the counter as she haranges him about the keys. 'Have an excellent afternoon, folks.' I'm sure they will.

The RC lady comes in for her daily contact with the world. Always cheerful, always smiling. So nice when she bops in. She's a breath of fresh air!

Then there's the 'Bobsey Twins.' Rotund, rosy cheeked with exertion from walking to the store, they load up on chips, doughnuts, two candy bars...and two diet soft drinks.

Teen aged young man comes in with duct tape on most of his fingers. I can't resist asking why. 'It gets rid of warts,' he says. 'Duct tape can fix anything.' Hmmmm okay. Learn something new every day!

A gentleman comes in complaining that the gas pumps pump the gas too fast. he's followed by one who complains the pumps pump too slowly. Next person pumps fifteen dollars worth of gas and comes in with a coffee cup full of change. Only had $13.87. I let it go. 'Have a nice day!'

Characters all. All filed away for future reference. Fiction engorged with reality rings the most true. Somewhere, sometimes they will show up in my writing. Oh wait. They just did!